11 more hours….

August 28, 2006 at 12:20 pm (general, school, work)

My wireless has been all wacky this past week, which explains for the lack of updates. I could barely stay on long enough to check my email, let alone the other few sites I check daily. And having an instant message conversation was impossible, and quite frankly annoying. But it’s acting better today for some reason, so yay?

I should be preparing myself for the first day of classes tomorrow. I’m afraid I’ll continue to drive past the school instead of stopping to park and continue my merry way to work. I doubt this will happen, but it would still be amusing.

Lots of exciting things have happened this past week. The first one being that I quit my job. I’ve decided I’m suck of all the bullshit drama going on at the day care and have instead taken the job as a nanny, basically, for a friend of the family so she can go back to work. This is not want I really want to do, honestly, but 1) It’s not the day care and 2) I’ll be able to put a lot of work into my school work, something that rarely happened last year, and hopefully get A’s in my three classes.

My last day is this Thursday, which is also assessment day. Lucky for me, I’ll be in class while the assessment will be going on. Unlucky for me, I’ve been screwed out of hours for classes we’re supposed to take throughout the year. I stopped taking them when I was told I had enough, only to find out that I have six hours instead of the eighteen we need. Um, what the fuck? I distinctly remember taking more than three classes, and I also remember counting up my hours myself. And it was more than that, with the hours from last year that do not count toward this year. I’m beyond pissed about this, but hey. I’m leaving. So they can kiss my ass.

I wasn’t going to leave the day care completely, though. I have Thursdays off at the nanny gig, so I told my boss at the day care that I would come in on Thursdays if they needed me to. That won’t be happening anymore now, though, because I learned I have to participate in work study. I didn’t want to, but if I don’t, I won’t be able to go to school because the program helps pay toward my schooling. So I’m trying to figure out a way to fit in ten hours a week for the work study program. I’m pretty sure I have it figured out, but I’ll find out tomorrow if my schedule works for them.

I also finally added pink to my hair, which I love. Though it’s been less than a week, and places have already started to turn orange. Not cool, yo. My mom came visiting Saturday and bought me an (almost month early) birthday present: a pink razr. I’ve wanted one since they came out. And I love it. This is the first time I’ve actually had a phone I liked. Plus, it has a camera on it, and I have a bad habit of leaving my digital camera at home when I want to take pictures.

Mom also brought with her a couch to replace our (second) broken futon in the living room. It’s an old dorm couch that my mom got at an auction where she works. Seven dollars for the couch, two end tables, and another table all in good condition and for about seven dollars. The only problem is rearranging the living room to fit all of the stuff in. We currently have way too much furniture for our little apartment. Once we take the old big screen to the dump, we should have enough room.

Last night was our “end of the summer bash” (not really, but since it was at the end of the summer, we’ll call it that). We did one of the most cliché things ever: went to a lake to drink. Drinking in public makes me nervous as it is. But with the three or so car wrecks from kids driving while drunk (and at least two subsequent deaths) have made me more nervous. So my two shots of vodka lasted me for the night, which was okay by me. The Boyfriend and I ended up leaving early, anyway. I started to feel even more uncomfortable when my friends left and a bunch of people I don’t know replaced them.

…that’s been my week, though. Not necessarily as exciting when written down as it was while it happened, but fun nonetheless. I’m going to go try to get some sleep and remind myself that classes start tomorrow. For some reason, I keep forgetting.

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Best Friends Part Two :: Groups

August 21, 2006 at 1:53 pm (friends, general)

My Best Friends post got me thinking about my groups of friends. Those groups have been changed as often as my “best friends” has been changed, which leads me to believe that with each best friends came a new group of different level friends, sometimes combining friends from the former group, but not always. It also leads me to wonder have I, with each of these different groups, also changed? Have I been a different Allie with each clique I was a member of, or was I the same person only starting to realize what I wanted or needed in a friend? I’m not sure at the moment.

First there was Grade School Friends Part One. This was my first real best friend and people I cannot remember. The only reason it really deserves in recognition is because this group stuck with me for a while. Then there was Grade School Friends Part Two, which also included the first best friend though she was no longer the best friend. In fact she was probably the lowest of the friends. 

Then, High School friends. High school was not a bad experience while it was happening, nor now in retrospect. My only problem with it that, now, almost two years later, I realize how much of a horrid person I was. I was bitchy, angry, depressed…all because of the people I chose to hang out with. This group included my fourth best friend and people I knew from church.  (I skipped the third best friend because neither of us were part of a group when we were best friends.)

The fourth group did not last long, though technically I guess it is still going. I’ll name it the Summer After Our First Year of College Group. This was my drinking/movie night group. I still love the majority of these people (which includes best friend number three, though we’re still barely friends anymore; we try but it’s not the same) and want to continue to be with them, but I’m starting to realize that this is not really possible.

My latest group, which isn’t really a group, would be my Still In High School friends. I say it’s not really a group, because we don’t really hang out or talk very often. But I hung out with some of them this past Friday at a concert. And that was the best time I’ve had in a long time. We have plans to go out on my day off, which happens to be one of the boy’s birthdays. I’m going to help them skip school, I’m going to go to class then we’re off to IHOP. Then to take over the world. Or some bullshit, we’re not certain yet.

And I’m excited. More excited than I’ve been about anything for a while. Maybe it’s because these are new friends. Maybe it’s because I’m learning about new people. Maybe it’s because it’s a change, and I’m ready for another change.

How juvenile I feel going through all this, but the whole best friend/clique thing is juvenile. And I worry that no one grows out of it.

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Just a thought.

August 20, 2006 at 2:33 pm (quickie)

The boyfriend and I have reached a new level of geek-dom, I have decided, since we are both sitting on our bed, on our laptops, browsing blogs on BlogMad. I’m not too fond of this, for I’m a dork not a geek. Le sigh.

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Best Friends

August 19, 2006 at 6:36 pm (children, friends, general, personal)

I go through best friends a lot, I’ve realized, though I guess every one does. Settings change, people change, relationships change. I’ve been blamed apparently for the departure of all of my “best friend”-ships. I’ll take half the blame, honestly, because I believe it takes two people to start a relationship and two people to end a relationship, or at least change the relationship. I guess that shows me the kind of people I’ve surrounded myself with, people who cannot be blamed for anything…. That’s a rant I do not want to go into because I’ve grown far past that.

My point was my last best female friend (The Boyfriend doesn’t count, he’s still my best friend, and currently my only best friend, I suppose) recently had her first baby. I wasn’t able to get off from work to be at the hospital with her like I promised. She said she understood, but I don’t think she did. I do not think anyone understood the situation completely because no one bothered to ask what was going on in my life. No one does.

I had enough notice to take off from work. I wanted to take off from work to go see her and be with her, but I could not afford it. As I’ve written about, The Boyfriend has just recently got a job. At the point of the baby’s birth, we were living off of my barely $150 weekly check and could not afford for me to take off a day of work.

I tried to explain why I couldn’t take off from work, but no one would let me. They kept interrupting me and telling me it was okay, which of course leads me to believe that no, it was not okay.

I’ve talked to her two or three times since the birth (almost two weeks now) and visited her once. Part of me feels like a bad friend but the other part could care less. I know I should be there for her, but she won’t let me. Even if I was there, she wouldn’t talk to me about anything. She’d keep everything bottled up, making it worse. And I’m not strong enough to pick up her pieces. Plus, I’m sick of being the garbage collector among my friends.

Speaking of old best friends becoming pregnant, thanks to the wonder that is MySpace, I’ve talked to my old best friends from Kentucky for the first time in…four years, I do believe. Much to my surprise, my first real best friend is now pregnant and due sometime in the next month.

I went to her baby shower this past Sunday (the day I received my ticket). And it was awkward, to say the least, while at the shower. My second real best friend was also in attendance and after the shower me and another friend went with her to go see another member of our “grade school gang” that did not attend the shower. It became almost normal, the four of us sitting in her living room just talking about nothing really. As if it was a normal Sunday activity.

I’ve friended the ones who are on MySpace, exchanged numbers with some, emails with all. We’ve all discussed my visiting more often, and I completely plan to. I mentioned maybe once, twice a month, though I’m not so sure how open my schedule will be once school starts. Especially if I get a new job that requires I work on the weekends.

I would actually like to drive back up next weekend to see everyone. But I know I won’t be able to because Mother will be visiting this upcoming Saturday to deliver some furniture. Which is really exciting. And reminds me that I really need to get to work on cleaning up this apartment. I somewhat got started on it today, but decided fooling around on my laptop was much more fun.

There’s always tomorrow…or the next day.

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Rambling.

August 19, 2006 at 12:16 pm (general, personal, rambling)

The Boyfriend just left for work. Again. He’ll be making over fourteen dollars an hour today, which means what he makes today almost equals what I make in a week. Sickening, no?

I’m thrilled, though. Thrilled that he’s finally doing something instead of sitting at home all the time. Instead of using all of my money for all of his baggage. I love him, I truly do, but us moving in together when we did probably was not the smartest idea. It put a lot of unneeded stress on me, on him, but mostly on our relationship.

He received an offer yesterday to take over the hours of another man who quit or was fired. That would mean he would be working five days of the week (Sunday through Thursday), third shift on I believe three of those days. I believe this will be very helpful for us financial wise, but romantically wise it will put more strain on us. I’ll be at work while he’s sleeping and vice versa. Plus, school is starting for me in about two weeks. The word “school” stresses me out at this point. I cannot imagine how stressed I’ll be once classes are actually in session.

I might be quitting my job soon. I’m seriously thinking about it. And us live on just his check. If it goes as well as it is going, we’ll be fine. At the same time, two incomes are always better than one. Maybe I could quit and then start job hunting, instead of job hunting then quitting. That way I could have a little mini-break from working like he did.

There really are not a lot of job offers here that are not in food. I could always try another day care, but I’m really over it. If I really wanted to be part of the day care “scene”, I would stay where I’m at. Which is just not possible. I cannot stay there much longer. Hell, if I could, I would call and quit right now.

I keep ignoring my co-worker’s phone calls. They never call me, yet in the past twenty-four hours (less than that, but I really do not feel like doing the math) two of them have called once and one has called twice. I answered one of them yesterday, missed one because I was at a concert, missed another one because I was pretending to still be at the concert, and just ignored another one. I do not feel like talking about work, or being asked to baby sit or to go to the club or anything.

I realized I had more fun with my “still in high school” friends than I do with the friends who are my age and older. Sadly, they are more mature than the majority of the people I for some reason surround myself with. Plus, they are new. New friends are always > old friends.

It’s been so long since I’ve actually blogged, I forgot how much of a rambler I truly am. I just meant to discuss one thing but somehow slightly touched three. I’m not sure if this is an accomplishment, or if it’s just nothing. Probably the latter.

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Secretarial work?

August 18, 2006 at 9:35 pm (general, personal, work)

I mentioned to Mother that I was interested in secretarial work. I just received an email from her with at least five job descriptions involving secretarial work here in town. They all say basically the same thing. One must be able to communicate, answer phones, spell accurately, have computer skills, people skills. All of which I can do or possess.

Part of me wants to try, to throw my resumes out to all of them. But there is that uncertain part of me that feels the need to ruin everything. I don’t have the look of a secretary. No one would want to come into a place of business and look at a huge mess. And, while I do well multi-tasking on most days, I have a feeling that many calls coming in at once will make me have a panic attack or something of the sort.

I also don’t have nice clothes. I own jeans and band t-shirts. None of which fit right.

So I’ll do what I always do. Let opportunity just pass me by, stay at a job I hate, and be miserable. Exciting, eh?

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A New Beginning

August 18, 2006 at 4:53 pm (general, money, personal)

I start this new online journal out at a very stressful time. But at least I’m finally coming upon a turn a little farther up the road. And the scenery looks beautiful.

First, The Boyfriend and I have been living off of my $5.25 an hour check for the last few weeks. Which means a lot of scrambling and not being able to save money for the upcoming bills. As of last night, there was $.54 in our bank account. At least it was in the positive.

Second, the apartment is never clean. And I’m sick of it. I need a live in maid because the last thing I want to do after dealing with bratty ass kids and shitty co-workers is clean. In fact, the only thing I want to do is lay in bed. Or maybe a bubble bath.

Third, I received my first ticket for speeding this past Sunday. I was coming home from Kentucky (I’ll write about that later) and had no clue what the speed limit was. In fact, I cannot recall the last time I saw a sign informing me as much. Which somehow led me to believe it was okay for me to go seventy miles per hour (actually, I hadn’t even bothered to look at my speed. I just wanted to go home.). Well, I got caught. At least I was finally informed of the speed limit (fifty-five).

I called the next day during break to find out how much my ticket was: $157. I barely make that a week.

Fourth (actually, two-point-five but whateva), I came home that Sunday to an even messier apartment. The Boyfriend’s aunt donated two tables and eight chairs…how exciting. And they were all in the living room. One could barely walk into the door to get into any other room of the place.

Fifth, I pissed my mother off royally. To the point where she threatened to pack up all of my stuff and move me to Indiana with her. I’m not even sure what I did. She finally called me on Monday. She has no idea about the ticket.

There are other things, mostly involving work. But that will be a blog of its own.

Like I said, the scenery is slowly changing. The Boyfriend got a job earlier this week that pays $9.50 an hour. And, after three days, he’s already surpassed my weekly hours. He’ll be doing overtime tomorrow, too, which means yay money next Wednesday. If I figured it out right, we’ll be able to use his check to pay for my ticket and either his insurance that’s due this week or his ticket that needs to be paid before the twelfth of next month.

I was seriously scared we would not make it. We have absolutely nothing in savings and our bills were going to exceed eight hundred dollars. This is not including gas and food. Needless to say, there has been a lot of useless arguing going on around the apartment. To the point where I was seriously considering moving out. Found a new roommate and everything. But now, things are better. I never see The Boyfriend, but I’m not going to complain. I miss him and all, but I do believe it will be better if we’re not together all the time. Part of my annoyance was the he was always home. On the bed. On his computer. He rarely left the house. I felt somewhat used, as if he thought we would be able to survive on my check and on just me working at a job I cannot stand and cannot wait to leave. That he could somehow receive a free, though bumpy, ride.

Part of me still thinks he wanted to get away with it as long as he could. But the time is up. And I couldn’t be happier. Money makes the world go ’round, not love. I don’t care how many fucking optimistic hippies try to prove me otherwise.

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