Back Allie, Alley.

I go through best friends a lot, I’ve realized, though I guess every one does. Settings change, people change, relationships change. I’ve been blamed apparently for the departure of all of my “best friend”-ships. I’ll take half the blame, honestly, because I believe it takes two people to start a relationship and two people to end a relationship, or at least change the relationship. I guess that shows me the kind of people I’ve surrounded myself with, people who cannot be blamed for anything…. That’s a rant I do not want to go into because I’ve grown far past that.

My point was my last best female friend (The Boyfriend doesn’t count, he’s still my best friend, and currently my only best friend, I suppose) recently had her first baby. I wasn’t able to get off from work to be at the hospital with her like I promised. She said she understood, but I don’t think she did. I do not think anyone understood the situation completely because no one bothered to ask what was going on in my life. No one does.

I had enough notice to take off from work. I wanted to take off from work to go see her and be with her, but I could not afford it. As I’ve written about, The Boyfriend has just recently got a job. At the point of the baby’s birth, we were living off of my barely $150 weekly check and could not afford for me to take off a day of work.

I tried to explain why I couldn’t take off from work, but no one would let me. They kept interrupting me and telling me it was okay, which of course leads me to believe that no, it was not okay.

I’ve talked to her two or three times since the birth (almost two weeks now) and visited her once. Part of me feels like a bad friend but the other part could care less. I know I should be there for her, but she won’t let me. Even if I was there, she wouldn’t talk to me about anything. She’d keep everything bottled up, making it worse. And I’m not strong enough to pick up her pieces. Plus, I’m sick of being the garbage collector among my friends.

Speaking of old best friends becoming pregnant, thanks to the wonder that is MySpace, I’ve talked to my old best friends from Kentucky for the first time in…four years, I do believe. Much to my surprise, my first real best friend is now pregnant and due sometime in the next month.

I went to her baby shower this past Sunday (the day I received my ticket). And it was awkward, to say the least, while at the shower. My second real best friend was also in attendance and after the shower me and another friend went with her to go see another member of our “grade school gang” that did not attend the shower. It became almost normal, the four of us sitting in her living room just talking about nothing really. As if it was a normal Sunday activity.

I’ve friended the ones who are on MySpace, exchanged numbers with some, emails with all. We’ve all discussed my visiting more often, and I completely plan to. I mentioned maybe once, twice a month, though I’m not so sure how open my schedule will be once school starts. Especially if I get a new job that requires I work on the weekends.

I would actually like to drive back up next weekend to see everyone. But I know I won’t be able to because Mother will be visiting this upcoming Saturday to deliver some furniture. Which is really exciting. And reminds me that I really need to get to work on cleaning up this apartment. I somewhat got started on it today, but decided fooling around on my laptop was much more fun.

There’s always tomorrow…or the next day.